Cut the Shit

A Hodgepodge of Monday Bullshit

Gay Pride 2005 is officially over in NYC.

Thank goodness. I am so tired today. I just went down to take my lunch break/nap and I laid there exhausted. I couldn’t even sleep, just total body fatigue. If I didn’t have a therapy appointment right after work, I’m sure that I would be in bed by 7pm. And no there is nothing wrong with that!

Yesterday, instead of going to the pride parade, I met up with mom who is in town on business. We went to my favorite brunch place, Southwest NY for bottles of wine and appetizers. We must have sat at our table for a good 4 hours, just talking and laughing and catching up on all that is Cut the Shit. There is not a woman on the planet that I love more than my mother. Aside from the fact that she is gorgeous (I must get it from SOMEWHERE, ha), she’s hilarious and also such a good listener. While a mile high pile of cheese fries sat in between us untouched, I actually told her about the muscle guy I met up with a few months ago. Yes, THAT muscle guy. She handled it so well and actually said “I’m really proud of you for making the decision to meet him.” Thanks mom! SO glad that you support my need for male escorts! heh heh heh.

My birthday is this upcoming Saturday. Joe CuttheShit turns 28! Geezum. Who would have ever thought this day would come? I’m like an adult now or something. When I turned 27 last year, I was kind of irritated by it. But 28 seems kind of fun. 28 seems manly and full of surprises. But mostly it just seems manly. Cuz I like it when anything is man-like. Like MANgos and MANgina.

I saw the movie Sideways this weekend. I had been putting it off cuz it looked kind of snoresville to me. I know it was nominated for Oscars among other awards, but for some reason, I just didn’t love it. Maybe it’s because I have this weird pet peeve with people acting in love with the food or drink they’re consuming. It’s one thing to LOVE a cheeseburger, it’s another thing to go on and on about how juicy and tasty each morsel is as it slides down your throat. FUCKING HORK. When I’m at Thanksgiving dinner and my Granny says “DELICIOUS! The turkey is SCRUMPTIOUS” and proceeds to follow it up with lip smacking and moans of pleasure, I want to jump off the roof. I can’t STAND that shit. So when the characters in Sideways were discussing the flavor and texture of the wine they were drinking, I was crawling out of my skin with irritation. Plus, the plotline was super boring. I mean, how original is the whole “buddies going on vacation before one gets married” theme? Sure, the acting was excellent and the countryside of California is always good for a few moments. But SNUHNORESVILLE is the grade I would like to give this movie.

On the flip side, Queer as Folk is kicking major ass this season. Maybe it’s because it’s the last one and they’re pulling out all the stops. Or maybe it’s because the L Word was one big rollercoaster of yawn this time around. But in any case, Queer… is rocking it out. Of course there are some majorly campy moments that are definitely not MEANT to be campy, but that goes with the Queer as Folk territory. However, the storyline between Brian and Justin has gotten virtually addicting. They are my two favorite characters on the show and watching Justin break up with Brian has touched very close to my personal life these days. And on top of that, the song that played at the end of the episode last night was a modern version of “You are my Sunshine” which I sang to Paul during the first six months of us getting together. It was all eerily familiar and upsetting. Life imitating art imitating life. Jump on board and catch the last season while you still can.

And not that I need to be the 157,000th person to comment on Tom Cruise, but I just gotta. I hate you Tom Cruise. I love your movies, but I would whack-a-mole your head so fast if I could. Sit down and shut up for once you big mouthed, small bodied, shrimp face. WHACK!

I guess I’m officially crazy now that I’m beginning two days of therapy a week. My appointment is at 5:45pm tonight and that kind of sucks asshole. Ooh yeah. Oh hot baby oh. Suck that tight ass hole!

I’m finally seeing the movie Crash tomorrow night. I’ve heard wonderful things and I’m really excited to see what that bitch is all about. And I had pizza for lunch today. There. Now I’ve officially told two really boring stories in one paragraph.

My little hamster guy “Jim” is just about 2 years old. Which in human years is like 97 years old. I got home the other day to find that he wasn’t in his cage. I was immediately pissed off at Paul for leaving his cage open, although he promised that he didn’t do it. In any case, I looked everywhere for what I was sure was going to be his dead body. But instead, I found him curled up in our heater. And he was sleeping on a bed that he had fashioned from leaves, paper towels, and sticks. Where he found all of that roughage, I’ll never know, but the 5 foot fall from his cage didn’t kill him. But it did give him a second lease on life. I haven’t seen him run on his wheel this fast in months. Also, as I sat smoking a cigarette the other night, I watched him pop open his cage on his own and begin to climb out. Can you believe it? The little man has figured out how to let himself out of his cage!?! What a smart little jerkoff!

I love that little bastard and I know that he’s just a hamster. But truthfully, I love him more than you. And you’re a human being. You understand.

Can this week be over? I have off Monday-Wednesday next week and I am SO fucking excited. I plan to stay up late and sleep in late and do everything LATE! But not LATTE, cuz I’m not a coffee drinker. Daytime TV is so hilariously stupid, but I love when I get the chance to watch it. Maury Povich…I’ll see YOU on my couch, if I can get my ass out of bed. Otherwise, I’ll see you in my bed you hot, grey haired, wrinkle of a man.

Alright, time to get ready for therasnores. Maybe I’ll cut myself on the arm today just so we have something really interesting to talk about. Yeah. Yeah, that’s a REALLY good idea.

Peace out bitches.